Katt Loves Dogg: Chapter 43–Epilogue

The four climbers clambered up and over the ledge and stood on the cliff.

“We need to get you two back to camp,” said Molly, shouting over the blustery gusts.

“Too much turbulence in the air,” added Bernie. “Winds are still gusting up to forty miles per hour.”

“Be there. Profess your love. And you’ll win an all-expenses-paid vacation to a romantic tropical island.”

Because the ferret knew (even though she wasn’t saying it) that the biggest surprise would not be Phineas Fatt wooing Violet Hissleton in front of millions on Furry Family Feud.
It would be Romaldo Montahugh doing the wooing and Phineas doing the weeping.

The two lovebirds weren’t sounding so lovey-dovey anymore. In fact, they sounded grouchy, grumpy, and snippy. Hunger, gale-force winds, and torrential downpours can do that to you.

“As am I,” proclaimed Romaldo.
“Can’t you just say, ‘me, too’?” asked Violet, with an exasperated exhale. “Does everything have to be poetical with you?”

“Your picnic basket would always be full! You’d have limousines to whisk you wherever you wanted to go. You’d have fourteen different umbrellas and raincoats and galoshes, whenever it rained.”

Hearing it said so bluntly (and honestly), Molly was totally ashamed of herself.

“But I have my eagle eye on all of you. Interspecies mingling and cooperation? That is against all the rules of this wilderness. It is against the rules of civilized society, as well. No intermingling! No cooperating! Definitely no rescuing of your enemies! You should all be ashamed of yourselves. You are a blight on the natural order of the animal kingdom.”

And did you know the very famous dogg architect Frank Lloyd Bite said that every great architect is, necessarily, a great poet?

Molly quickly presented her plan. It was actually very ingenious.

“See, Molly? He’s poetical and practical. A very civil civil engineer.”

Anyway, the ideal dam location is just upstream from the rhino zone.

A snow-white polar bear wearing rose-colored granny glasses and grinning like crazy was ambling along behind him.

“Not so fast, Bob,” said Momsy, sounding a lot less flaky.

Francine the ferret sat astride one of the elephants in a shaded howdah chair.

She had to yell through a megaphone to be heard over the hissing, howling, barking, and baying.

“I heard that, like, a whole bunch of alley katts were swept downstream when the river went rogue and jumped its banks—and nobody’s seen them since!”

The elephants blared their noses again.

“I’m what they call a multitasker.”
“You mean a multi-licker,” said Boomer snidely.

“You mean like the feud between the Montahughs and Hissletons?” said Oscar.
Momsy nodded solemnly. “Exactly like that. Because that dogg and katt whose love ended up on the rocks that fateful day? That was Max Montahugh and Theodosia Hissleton."

And you, Oscar, are an intrepid Dogg Scout.

Just then, Knuckles, soaking wet and looking bedraggled, came stumbling out of the woods, spitting out murky river water.

“I am the sole survivor,” said Knuckles, very dramatically. “Only I lived to tell the tale!”

Not a dry eye in the house! thought Molly as she prepared to emote her way through her monologue.

“Oh, if only they were not lost in the flood,” Oscar wailed, sounding a little stilted, because he didn’t know how to memorize lines and make them sound like they weren’t memorized lines.

“It’s a miracle!” declared Bob the bear, who was probably the most overblown, scenery-chewing, hammy performer in the cast.

“Um, I just know things,” said the ferret. “I’ve got intuition. It’s why I’m such a good reporter.”

“We know all about it, you devious and ungrateful child. For a noble eagle recently told us what he witnessed from high above!”

“I most certainly did!” shouted the circling eagle. His voice was even more pompous than usual.

I told them both—separately, of course—what twisted and abnormal notions you two had been contemplating.

I told them both—separately, of course—what twisted and abnormal notions you two had been contemplating.

I advised them of your pernicious plot! A katt in love with a dogg? Ridiculous. It goes against the natural order of things.

The big blowhard of a bird would end the day a little balder, mostly on his butt.

“Did you capture that aerial action?” the ferret shouted to her camerapeople.

The elephants blared a brassy fanfare.

The ferret sneered and spoke directly into the camera while, behind her, the Montahughs and Hissletons were jeering, barking, booing, hooting, squawking, screeching, squealing, and screaming.

“We don’t sing songs like that. They’re against the rules. Those lyrics are lewd.”

When the other family members saw the looks on the two elderly faces, all the Hissletons and all the Montahughs quit their squabbling.