Katt Loves Dogg: Chapters 1–12

When he was injured, I nursed him back to health with medicinal herbs and my comforting, well- enunciated words.

Oscar smiled at the audience sheepishly. “Um, forget that part about the poop, please. Thank you.”

She threw up her arms and basked in the spotlight, waiting for the audience to clap and cheer and shout, “Brava!”

“I got a question, little kitty,” snarled a dogg with floppy jowls.

When I come to the Western Frontier Park, I want a katt-free campground and a doggs-only dining hall. Like we had back in the good old days before you two got all lost and helped each other and all that other malarkey I’m sick and tired of hearing about on TV.

“I’ll say,” sniffed a snooty Persian katt.

“Why must we share our family vacation with these...these...doggs? They’re all so frightfully uncouth—forever sniffing each other’s derrieres and chasing after anything tossed their way.”

“Kindly turn your head when you bellow, you brutish beast,” said the katt, crinkling his nose.

Soon all the doggs and all the katts in the auditorium were snapping and sniping and hissing and hooting and yipping and yapping at one another.

“Therefore,” the noble hawkowl continued, “as we have all learned from Molly and Oscar during their informative and instructional welcoming presentation, inside the borders of the Western Frontier Park you must get along with your fellow, if historically different, creatures. Or you may choose to spend your vacation somewhere else.”

“I hear they’re still doing it old-school over in the Eastern Wilderness Reserve. Separate dogg and katt accommodations.”

In return, she scratched the part of his neck he never could reach, no matter how many pretzel twist contortions he made.

There ain’t gonna be no more of them sappy ‘oh, watch how we saved each other’ shows?

“Woof-hoo!” howled his father as the truck passed under the park’s rustic entry arch.

“Give them swanky katts a taste of their own hair balls!”

There was meatloaf cake with lard icing decorated with bacon bits.

“No. I forgot to tell Oscar and Fifi about our family feud. In fact, I plumb forgot about the feud, too.”

“Blade and I find it fascinating. It appeals to our keenly honed hunting instincts.”

“Turn that fool thing off!” commanded the very domineering voice of an elderly and imperious katt who had just strode into the room.

“Turn that fool thing off!” commanded the very domineering voice of an elderly and imperious katt who had just strode into the room.

“Grandmama?” said Molly, fluttering her eyelashes daintily, the way she knew her grandmother liked for her to flutter them.

“Whatever brings you to our humble abode, Mother darling?” asked Molly’s father.

“Yes, Fluffy. Time to wakey, wakey. ’Tis I. Theodosia. The matriarch of the Hissleton family!”
“Um, what’s a matriarch?” asked Blade.
“The woman in charge,” said Theodosia. “The queen.”

Violet intends to run off with a flea-bitten, fur-matted, scurvy scoundrel of a katt named Tom.

“And her mother, Fuzzybutt, also tried to talk some sense into the girl. Alas, it was of no avail. There is nothing more they can do. You know how stubborn teenage girls can be.”

“Our Molly is still such an angel.”
Molly smiled modestly and pretended to blush.

“You were cavorting in the forest and on TV with that...that dogg.”

“But the Hissletons hate the Montahughs,” said Molly’s mother. “It’s embroidered on all our pillows.”

You and your family must put a stop to young Violet’s impetuous romance. You must show her what life would be like if she were to follow her heart, marry an alley katt, and, thereby, toss away all the comforts she currently enjoys.

“You, Boomer, and your family shall accompany Violet on a rugged backwoods adventure—with absolutely no pampering or mollycoddling allowed.”

“Shouldn’t my brother be the one ‘roughing’ it, as you say?” said Molly’s father. “I chafe easily.”

And while you five tromp about in the brush and brambles, I will be arranging a more suitable romance for our dear, sweet Violet.

“Nyes,” replied her grandmother haughtily. “I feel quite confident that Violet will forget all about her alley katt Tom after one miserable week in the woods. She’ll long for the comforts only money can buy. She’ll leap into Phineas Fatt’s arms, bounce off his belly, and become his wife!”

Yes, the place was kind of run-down. And shabby. And dilapidated—especially when compared to the Western Frontier Park.

Still, he was having fun, romping around with his cousins—some of whom he only saw once or twice a year at dogg holidays, like January twenty-first, which was Squirrel Appreciation Day.

“...Anyway, she says that years ago, back in the olden days, Grandpa Max had his heart broken.”
“By a girl?”
Another shrug. “I guess. Could’ve been a clumsy cardiologist but I’m pretty sure Chompers was talking about, you know, mushy stuff.”

“Yes! Fate has decreed that you and I are to be tentmates!”

“Sure. Let’s start with the clothes. I’d go with something a little more casual. Do you have any cargo shorts?”

You’re a clever Dogg Scout. I, frankly, am a klutz when it comes to traipsing through the trees or fording streams. You, on the other hand, know how to make your way through the wilderness with ease, as you did with your girlfriend Molly, the katt.

You’re a clever Dogg Scout. I, frankly, am a klutz when it comes to traipsing through the trees or fording streams. You, on the other hand, know how to make your way through the wilderness with ease, as you did with your girlfriend Molly, the katt.