Noggin: Chapters 1–8

They say we’re the only species on the planet with the knowledge of our own impending doom.

Trust me when I tell you that everything can go from fine and dandy to dark and depressing faster than you can say “acute lymphoblastic leukemia.”

They’d gone through with the whole cranial hibernation and reanimation thing. They’d actually gone and cut my head off.

I looked pretty rough—my lips were purple and cracked, my cheeks were flushed, and my eyes were big and glazed over.

“You want to freeze just my head?"
“It’s the only part of you not riddled with cancer cells.”

Options for My Hypothetical Future Recovery Scenario (Abridged)
1) Full-body regeneration through stem cell implantation into controlled fluid environment

2) Transplantation of full cranial structure onto robotic apparatus

3) Transplantation of full cranial structure onto donor body

4) Neuro-uploading into donor body and brain

After a few days passed, and by the time I was finally allowed to speak, I was ready to have things explained more thoroughly and able to promise them that I wouldn’t freak out and try to separate myself from my new body.

I mustered just enough energy to slump down a little in the bed and let out a kind of whimper that made me sound less like a human and more like a dying animal.

They say you can only dream about people you’ve seen—either in real life or on television—that we don’t have the power to create new faces in our minds, but that we recycle the thousands and thousands of faces subconsciously stored in our memories.

This district is the largest contiguous planned community in the United States, and if you’re black or Jewish, you weren’t allowed to live there until 1948.

What my school lacked in snobbery and tacky striped ties, it more than made up for in people like Kyle and Cate.

Connecting us together, Jeremy’s body and me, was a spinal cord, blood vessels, nerve endings, and this swollen scar right in the middle of my neck about halfway between my clavicle and my chin.

Maybe they were told to be as calm and collected as possible, at all times, for fear that too much excitement could throw me over the edge.

I knew they named their twin daughters after their respective grandmothers, Francine and Delilah.

“I’m sorry, Travis. I’m sure you’re still feeling really overwhelmed, and here I am shooting even more crazy stuff at you.”

“We’re the sole members of a very exclusive club, you and me.”

The day before I went back to school, I found out that there is an urn containing my ashes hidden in the closet of the guest bedroom.

There is no delicate way to tell a person that he is holding a container full of the incinerated remains of his own body.

You don’t want to go telling everyone that a dying kid volunteered to be decapitated and that his parents signed off on it.

It was like I could see all his memories of me projected into the air between us, rushing and swirling around and enveloping us both in a nostalgic haze.

When this new Kyle, sitting in my kitchen and telling jokes about all of his former teachers and my soon-to-be-yet-again-current ones, nonchalantly said “my girlfriend,” I suddenly felt like my head had found a way to slightly float just above my new body, barely connected.

“The place with all the fancy stores? Do we really need to go there?” Dad asked.
“That’s the one. They have everything. It’s a nice evening—we can take our time, get some fresh air walking around, and do a little shopping.” Mom was ready for his dissent.

But that dread, that dislike, it had nothing on how I felt the morning of my fateful return to Springside High.

She wanted to notice an inconsistency in the skin tones, to gossip about the freak science-experiment kid who had just walked onto campus.

“Boys and girls, I hope you understand the privilege that has been bestowed upon you. You all get to witness one of the greatest miracles of modern science right here at Springside High. What an amazing day!”

I thought about succumbing to that look she gave me, the one that had always made even the most defiant students lower their heads in shame.

But I was back, and even though I just wanted to run away and hide, defying her was the best moment of my new life.

“She loves you,” Hatton said as I sat back down.
“No, she doesn’t.”
“She does. I can tell. I’m very astute about these things.”

“So I bet it’s pretty hard picturing her with some other guy, then. That sucks so bad.”
“It isn’t ideal, Hatton,” I said as the bell rang.

In chemistry I watched him tap a cute girl on the shoulder and tell her she was the only person he ever dreamed about. She looked disgusted, and I nodded my head in affirmation to try to help.

I wondered if she’d ever smile again without crying, or if this had become her default setting.

I didn’t really know her before middle school, but then we had a few classes together and I eventually noticed that she was the only other kid who got my jokes, the only one who knew the exact Saturday Night Live reference I was making or the impression I was botching.

I was ready to bolt, ready to run out of that room as soon as she broke my heart, so I wouldn’t have to face the mortification.

For starters, Cate was always painting. And also, right as she handed it to me, I saw a smudge of red on her hand. She was messy that way, never unkempt but always looking like she’d just been working on something important, something that just couldn’t wait.

“I love you,” she said. “I do. I’m stupid and I don’t like surprises and you caught me off guard. But there it is.”
“Don’t say it just because you feel obligated, Cate.”
“I only feel obligated because it’s the truth, Travis.”