Lawn Boy: "Lawn Boy" by Gary Paulsen

Dad swears Mom’s nose is as cute as ever and I don’t notice anything different about it, but she still touches it gingerly when he starts talking about some big new idea he’s got going.

Okay. Since I was twelve, I didn’t have much experience with motors. I’ve never even had a dirt bike or four-wheeler. I’m just not machine oriented.

My birthday present sat there. I tried pushing it toward our garage, but it didn’t seem to want to move. Even turning around to put my back against it and push with my legs—which I thought might give me better leverage—didn’t help; it still sat there.

On the left side of the motor was a small gas tank, and I unscrewed the top and looked in. Yep, gas. On top of the tank were two levers; the first was next to pictures of a rabbit and a turtle. Even though I’m not good with machines, I figured out that was the throttle and the pictures meant fast and slow.

Once when I was little, my grandmother, in her usual logic-defying fashion, answered my request for another cookie by saying that my grandfather had been a tinkerer.

I moved the throttle to the rabbit position—it had been on turtle—and pushed the left pedal down, and the blade started whirring.

Figuring that I used almost all the gas in the tank, about a gallon, which cost three dollars, and not counting the wear and tear on the mower (I didn’t know how to figure that out), I made seventeen dollars for my work. It took two hours so I made eight dollars and fifty cents an hour. That, I was to learn later, was called capitalism.

Making approximately six hundred and thirty dollars a week. It seemed like a staggering whop of money.

And he had a wide, wild tie and a kind of sport coat that looked suede but was cut with wide lapels and shoulders and a narrow waist that didn’t look too good on his round body.

But he seemed okay and I thought he had an honest face—which turned out to be right, except that I’m not sure what a dishonest face would look like. Maybe a sneaky turtle? Or a shifty rabbit?

“Tell you what,” he said. “How would you like to barter—take it out in trade?”

“Supply and demand.” Arnold nodded. “It’s groovy, man. The very nature of the concept of economic structure. You just need more mowers, more people, to meet the growing demand. The previous lawn service—before, of course, the unfortunate instance of the romantic...mishap—had a small crew of workers to handle the burden of all the lawns you’re now working. You need to start distributing the wealth, dispersing the work. Far-out. It’s beautiful.”

“Supply and demand.” Arnold nodded. “It’s groovy, man. The very nature of the concept of economic structure. You just need more mowers, more people, to meet the growing demand. The previous lawn service—before, of course, the unfortunate instance of the romantic...mishap—had a small crew of workers to handle the burden of all the lawns you’re now working. You need to start distributing the wealth, dispersing the work. Far-out. It’s beautiful.”

“No. I’m busy. But I’ve done some investing for a man named Pasqual. He knows lots of people who are always looking for work. He’s a good, reliable person, known him for years. Can you come back after dark?”

“In the dark?”
“He wears a headlamp. Ingenious, really. I admire his creativity in the face of opposition. Entrepreneurship at its finest—there are no impossibilities, just hurdles to be overcome.”

And so I went on adding lawns. I kept track of them in a little notebook.

I spent a great deal of time wondering if I could rig an umbrella to the mower to keep the sun off my face, not because I minded the heat but because when I squinted, I made the rows uneven.

About then Arnold and I sat down and he said, “It’s inefficient to have you all meet at my place every morning, and besides, the neighbors are starting to wonder why so many people congregate here.”

About then Arnold and I sat down and he said, “It’s inefficient to have you all meet at my place every morning, and besides, the neighbors are starting to wonder why so many people congregate here.”

“It’s all just too, too groovy,” Arnold said, putting his tea down. “Free-market industry and capitalism at their best. It’s like watching a really good documentary about business. Far-out.”

“It’s all just too, too groovy,” Arnold said, putting his tea down. “Free-market industry and capitalism at their best. It’s like watching a really good documentary about business. Far-out.”

“Well, think of this. They’re seasonal workers. When the cutting is done they’re no longer employed by you. A responsible employer should set aside some of his income, a percentage, to give them a bonus when the season ends to ease their transition into other forms of employment.”

There was no way my parents could spend that kind of money on one measly basketball, and I couldn’t find a way to get enough money on my own.

“The first day it jumped to just over ten dollars and I thought of selling. Stock purchased at fifty cents and sold for ten dollars gives an excellent return. But the sudden surge caused a lot of interest and people started wanting to buy the stock and that drove the price up further, and still further, and I finally sold at a hundred dollars and ten cents a share. So your forty-dollar investment brought you just over eight thousand dollars, less my five percent commission.”

“The first day it jumped to just over ten dollars and I thought of selling. Stock purchased at fifty cents and sold for ten dollars gives an excellent return. But the sudden surge caused a lot of interest and people started wanting to buy the stock and that drove the price up further, and still further, and I finally sold at a hundred dollars and ten cents a share. So your forty-dollar investment brought you just over eight thousand dollars, less my five percent commission.”

“Oh my, no. The new Internet system they evolved swept the country and the stock jumped to ten dollars and split, which gave you six thousand shares at five, then went back up to ten dollars and split again, which gave you twelve thousand shares, which climbed back up to five-fifty a share, hung there and flattened out. So I sold when it went back down to four dollars.”

“No, no.” He shook his head. “It had split and then resplit—you had twelve thousand shares at four dollars a share. I must point out that this kind of growth is unprecedented.”

“I...” I was still woozy. “I’m still not sure I heard you right. Did you say I now have over fifty thousand dollars?”

“That’s right. That’s how it works. You—or I, acting for you—will reinvest the money in safe stocks, which will give you what’s called a diversified portfolio—so if one thing goes down another might go up—to cover you. But it’s all there, and you can cash it in anytime you want. Except...”
“Except what?” I smelled a rat.

“That’s right. That’s how it works. You—or I, acting for you—will reinvest the money in safe stocks, which will give you what’s called a diversified portfolio—so if one thing goes down another might go up—to cover you. But it’s all there, and you can cash it in anytime you want. Except...”
“Except what?” I smelled a rat.

The knife flew through the air and Joseph picked this man up by the neck and the crotch and threw him into the third man, knocking him sprawling.

Rock scrabbled to get the key turned in the ignition, slapped the shift lever down and tore away with one leg still sticking out the window and the other two men with their legs hanging out the passenger side and the back of the truck.

Joseph moved his bulk back onto the seat and the springs creaked as he sat down.

I jumped back from the percussion of his bellow.

He’d been so horrified by the condition of what he called “the boss’s lawn” that he’d come by to recondition it.

“He means,” my mother chimed in, “that it’s difficult to go to the police because some of his employees are poor people who really need the money and if the authorities come into it, perhaps they’ll find the workers aren’t all documented the way they should be. Is that it, pumpkin?”

After the thumping, there was a second or two of silence, followed by a scream, and one of the men was thrown out the front door so hard he took the porch screen off its hinges and was propelled into the yard riding the screen on his hands and knees like it was a body board.

“Oh my. No. The stock didn’t go down, it went up.”
“Up?”
“Yes. There was a secondary merger of some stature and a larger software company took the whole thing over. They’re always doing things like that, these high-risk software stocks. I remember when—”

“Oh my. No. The stock didn’t go down, it went up.”
“Up?”
“Yes. There was a secondary merger of some stature and a larger software company took the whole thing over. They’re always doing things like that, these high-risk software stocks. I remember when—”
“Arnold—how much?”

“Yes. Of course, there will be fees and commissions and the like, but still, it should be just a little under that figure. Now listen, please. It’s Sunday and the market is closed, but I heartily recommend that tomorrow morning when it opens we sell the stock and put the money in something solid and long-term.”