Pay Attention, Carter Jones: Chapters 16–21

So we went—I drove the Eggplant, by the way—and the Butler ordered steel-cut oatmeal with whole milk for all of us—“Shall we splurge and have cranberries on top?” he said—but after he ordered I said I had to go to the bathroom, and I found our waiter and asked if he could put Ace Robotroid Sugar Stars on top instead of cranberries.

“You have defiled the oatmeal,” said the Butler to the waiter.

“Mr. Spicer,” said the Butler, “seems to be troubled by both a deleted apostrophe and an infelicitous abbreviation.”

“The noxious result of not attending to one’s grammar,” said the Butler, “which, of course, will afflict no one in this automobile.”

“The noxious result of not attending to one’s grammar,” said the Butler, “which, of course, will afflict no one in this automobile.”

“It is one of those things that a lifetime of reading Dickens and Trollope would annotate. But given the literary limitations of an American curriculum, we should be heartened that experience and the wisdom that comes from it—as well as an adherence to decorum—are good tutors.”

“It is one of those things that a lifetime of reading Dickens and Trollope would annotate. But given the literary limitations of an American curriculum, we should be heartened that experience and the wisdom that comes from it—as well as an adherence to decorum—are good tutors.”

“It is one of those things that a lifetime of reading Dickens and Trollope would annotate. But given the literary limitations of an American curriculum, we should be heartened that experience and the wisdom that comes from it—as well as an adherence to decorum—are good tutors.”

“It is one of those things that a lifetime of reading Dickens and Trollope would annotate. But given the literary limitations of an American curriculum, we should be heartened that experience and the wisdom that comes from it—as well as an adherence to decorum—are good tutors.”

“It is one of those things that a lifetime of reading Dickens and Trollope would annotate. But given the literary limitations of an American curriculum, we should be heartened that experience and the wisdom that comes from it—as well as an adherence to decorum—are good tutors.”

When Jennifer Washburn began her report on the battle at the Old North Bridge, she said she had a relative who’d helped to smuggle Abraham Lincoln into Washington for his inauguration—“unlike some.”

"And how was your day, young Master Carter?” said the Butler.
“Great,” I said.
"Your inflection suggests otherwise,” he said.

I poked around in the ashes from last night’s campfire, but all that was left were two pathetic embers winking in and out in all that dampness.

“And so you face a curious dilemma, one you will face often if you choose to live a life of integrity and challenge. Is it better to consider all ideas, to determine which one seems to you most reasonable and worthy, and then to speak your mind? Or is it better to follow old patterns and to acquiesce quietly into a general conformity?”

“And so you face a curious dilemma, one you will face often if you choose to live a life of integrity and challenge. Is it better to consider all ideas, to determine which one seems to you most reasonable and worthy, and then to speak your mind? Or is it better to follow old patterns and to acquiesce quietly into a general conformity?”

“And so you face a curious dilemma, one you will face often if you choose to live a life of integrity and challenge. Is it better to consider all ideas, to determine which one seems to you most reasonable and worthy, and then to speak your mind? Or is it better to follow old patterns and to acquiesce quietly into a general conformity?”

I mean, how would you like it if when you stood up to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, Patty Trowbridge asked Mrs. Harknet if someone who didn’t believe in the Declaration of Independence should be allowed to stand up and pledge allegiance?

And even though the Butler kept saying, “All good fun, boys,” Krebs had never lost anything in his life, and Singh said Team Britannia would teach him the agony of defeat, and Krebs started to walk around the school with Sachin Tendulkar’s bat, and Singh’s mother handed out Team Britannia sweatshirts with British flags on the back and lions rampant on the front.

“Young Master Carter,” he said, “answering that question would necessitate—I find it improbable that I am about to use this word, but others seem to pale—it would necessitate blabbing.”

“You want me to squeal, then?” The Butler suddenly looked appalled. “Did I just say ‘squeal’?”

“Young Master Carter,” he said, “Donald Bradman was a magnificent batsman, perhaps the greatest batsman to have ever played. As a bowler, however, he at times bowled short on leg stump, considered by some to be a low and ignominious tactic, as you are aware.”

“It means that I have most definitely blabbed enough. Now, I presume there is mathematical homework to which you should attend?”

I looked at Billy. “You live in delusion, my friend.”

The flag of India flew broadly in the fall breeze, slowly unfurling, so big that the wind moved across it like long waves.

In Physical Science, Mrs. Wrubell sort of eyed me when I came in. “So are you one of the miscreants?” she said.
I wasn’t sure what a miscreant was. “I don’t think so,” I said.

At the end of the day, the buses waited underneath its broad waves, the pride of India waving and unfurling its green and white and saffron bars above us all.

Once home, the Butler told me to get cleaned up, and I stood under the shower that pelted me like an Australian tropical thunderstorm, and when I came downstairs again, Annie and Charlie and Emily and my mother were on the couch together, and they were all crying.

“And yet, there are so many things I can say that of—monkey brains, squid tentacles, whale blubber. I feel quite confident in adding pizza to the list of things I know I would detest despite not having tried them. Never mind the fact that one would always do well to avoid food served out of an automobile.”

“And yet, there are so many things I can say that of—monkey brains, squid tentacles, whale blubber. I feel quite confident in adding pizza to the list of things I know I would detest despite not having tried them. Never mind the fact that one would always do well to avoid food served out of an automobile.”

We waited about twenty minutes, and then the Butler said we should all get into the Bentley and drive to Willy’s Pizza and Subs, so that at the least, our dinner would not be afflicted by the erratic driving of Willy’s proxy.

We waited about twenty minutes, and then the Butler said we should all get into the Bentley and drive to Willy’s Pizza and Subs, so that at the least, our dinner would not be afflicted by the erratic driving of Willy’s proxy.

Willy asked the Butler how he’d liked his pizza when he had finished.
“It abounded in mozzarella,” said the Butler.

“That’s what we’re known for: extra cheese,” said Willy.
“And the proximate nature of the green peppers and the pineapple was remarkable,” said the Butler.

“And the pepperoni and sausage were as pungent as any human being might wish.”

“The night will go down in the annals of digestive history,” said the Butler, and Willy slapped him on the back.