What If It's Us: Chapters 12–21

by Becky Albertalli, Adam Silvera
Arthur and Ben couldn't be more different. Arthur, a Jewish teenager from Georgia, is in New York City for a summer internship that he hopes will help him get into an Ivy League college. Ben, a native New Yorker of Puerto Rican descent, is attending summer school so that he can avoid repeating 11th grade. Find out what happens when a series of coincidences brings these two together.

Here are links to our lists for the novel: Chapters 1–4, Chapters 5–11, Chapters 12–21, Chapters 22–32, Chapter 33–Epilogue

Here are links to our lists for other works by Becky Albertalli: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, Leah on the Offbeat

Here is a link to our lists for another work by Adam Silvera: They Both Die at the End
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Full list of words from this list:

words only definitions & notes
  1. nexus
    a connected series or group
    It’s a Saturday night in summer, so this block is a nexus of tourists plus New Yorkers who made poor life choices that landed them here.
  2. reciprocate
    act, feel, or give mutually or in return
    I probably only need one guess to know what he’s thinking: we were looking for each other. He went to greater lengths, but hearing I wanted to find him too? Well, we all love having our feelings reciprocated.
  3. wrangle
    herd or round up
    Arthur keeps at it until his basketball bounces out of the booth, and he chases it like a bull wrangler.
  4. impish
    naughtily or annoyingly playful
    He’s laughing—impish, alien hustler.
  5. bask
    derive or receive pleasure from
    “Not thinking about that right now. I’m just basking in that New York magic.” He points at me, himself, and me again. “The city made this happen.”
  6. exodus
    a journey by a large group to escape from a hostile environment
    “...I had even checked my follower count before posting.”
    “Mass exodus? Modest exodus?”
    “No exodus,” I say.
  7. platonic
    free from physical desire
    And yeah, we look a little like Pepé Le Pew and his bewildered cat girlfriend, but we really do seem like a couple. If you saw these pictures, you would not conclude that Ben and I are platonic bros.
  8. angst
    an acute but unspecific feeling of anxiety
    “It means chill with the fake teen angst. This is your first date, and I want to hear about it.”
  9. dumbfounded
    as if rendered speechless with astonishment and surprise
    I stare at Ben, dumbfounded, but he shoots me a tiny smile.
  10. truffle
    a highly prized edible subterranean fungus
    “What...are...truffles?” he says, typing.
    “They’re some kind of seed, right?”
    “Nope. Fungus.”
  11. audit
    attend academic courses without getting credit
    “I’m taking a class.”
    “You’re auditing something? I thought about doing that at NYU. How is it?”
  12. playbill
    a printed program for a theatrical performance
    Arthur’s Instagram feels real.
    There’s a photo of him eating his first slice of New York pizza.
    Playbills for Aladdin and Wicked.
  13. decal
    a design that can be transferred from paper to some surface
    A laptop decal that says WWBOD: What Would Barack Obama Do?
  14. neurosis
    a mental illness that makes you behave in an unusual way
    Instead, it’s me bleeding out all my neuroses, looking for answers to questions I have no right to be asking. But I don’t know how to make myself stop asking them.
  15. tinge
    affect as in thought or feeling
    Ben’s voice is tinged with exasperation.
  16. lurch
    move abruptly
    And as soon as I write that, it’s real—so real, it makes my stomach lurch. I took this well past the point where a do-over could fix it.
  17. falsetto
    a male singing voice with artificially high tones
    “I haven’t practiced my falsetto in a while. I’m sorry—”
    “Your voice is awesome,” I say.
  18. antsy
    nervous and unable to relax
    I have that antsy, prickly feeling like I’m talking too much.
  19. unruly
    unable to be governed or controlled
    I’m wearing sunglasses and my hair’s a little overgrown and unruly. I went through a lazy hair period sophomore year. It wasn’t pretty.
  20. withdrawn
    tending to be reserved, quiet, or introspective
    “It’s just. The whole time at karaoke, you seemed sort of...withdrawn, I guess? Like you didn’t want to be there—”
  21. doppelganger
    a person who is almost identical to another
    “I mean, except for the parts where you tragically underestimate my claw-machine skills and get hit on by Ansel Elgort’s doppelgänger and have fifty-six pictures with your ex and—”
  22. nemesis
    a personal foe or rival that cannot be easily defeated
    It’s like the satisfaction I just got from a scene I wrote, where an old nemesis of Ben-Jamin unexpectedly popped back in and is making things extra tense.
  23. ramble
    continue talking or writing in a purposeless manner
    I have only said one word on this call—a call I made—and I’m already ready to settle into another few hours of Arthur rambling.
  24. obligated
    caused by law or conscience to follow a certain course
    “Whatever Hamilton fans are called, Arthur, I am one of them.”
    “You’re not just saying that? You’re not obligated to like it, though you would be wrong not to.”
  25. alcove
    a small recess opening off a large room or garden
    I pause for a moment in the alcove. When you step off the elevator, there’s not really a hallway—just a little nook with three doors, leading to apartments A, B, and C.
  26. minuscule
    very small
    Okay, maybe there’s a tiny, minuscule part of me wondering what it would feel like to announce, Ben’s actually the world’s youngest surgeon or Ben’s working in the mayor’s policy office.
  27. abashed
    feeling or caused to feel uneasy and self-conscious
    Dad’s stroking his beard, and Mom clasps her hands, looking slightly abashed.
  28. intervention
    the act of getting involved
    “Is this...an intervention?”
    Jessie looks startled. “What?”
    “It’s about Ben, right? I’m too obsessed with him.”
  29. furtive
    secret and sly
    Another furtive glance. Jessie bites her lip.
  30. obscure
    make unclear or less visible
    But then a text from Ben pops up, obscuring half of my screen.
Created on Thu Dec 13 12:25:54 EST 2018 (updated Mon Dec 17 14:29:24 EST 2018)

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