Roller Girl: "Roller Girl" by Victoria Jamieson

Tonight, we are having an evening of cultural enlightenment!

This did not bode well for our Friday night.

We went in this huge building that looked like an airplane hangar.

They all looked really tough—sort of like the inmates in that documentary about women's prisons mom made me watch a few ECEs ago.

It was about time I covered up that old solar system mural anyway.

Maybe roller derby teams made exceptions for very talented young skaters.

You never asked me if I wanted to go—you just assumed.

Did Nicole, and everyone else on the planet, go to some secret kid skating orientation while I was being dragged through an art museum?

Okay, this is an endurance drill.

We're working on your strength and stamina.

Throw in my aching muscles & some new blisters on my feet, and soon I felt like Lawrence of Arabia...Complete with mirages...

The last thing I remember before drifting off was Rainbow Bite's smarmy face staring down at me.

Listen, everyone has a hard time on their first day. It's like a rite of passage.

Wow. I didn't know I could skate practically downtown!

Skating home cut my commute time down to 30 minutes!

I didn't even need to stop for emergency rations.

Mom was so impressed with my helpfulness around the apartment, I came up with a new ad campaign.

I settled on a tasteful St. Patty's Day ensemble.

This will be different from other bouts you've played in.

We'll have to assess your skills to make sure you can be safe on the track.

How did those girls do? They were so tough-looking. So fierce. And here I was, first woman sitting, looking like a demented leprechaun.

What I wouldn't give to be an only child. It's like living on a wild chimpanzee reserve.

You must have very resistant strands.

Every 10 minutes or so she'd peek in and say cryptic things like, "Oh yes—we're cooking with fire now!"

She was speaking to me as if I were a head trauma victim.

You can't hold back, or be embarrassed, or self-conscious.

The jammer was obviously the most important player. She had to be fast. And wily.

Under your tutelage, Heidi, I think I am really beginning to blossom.

Technically, I'm not allowed to have friends over when Mom's not home...so we had to do a little work-around.

We settled near the game of strength, and Zoey started shouting like a carnival barker.

I was shocked to see her out of the blue like this, and part of me felt kind of sick....but the other part of me was still on a frantic sugar-laughing high.

Who wants to hang out with you anyway? You're boring! And shallow!

I didn't mean to hit them—I just meant to throw my soda at their feet. But a funny thing about physics...

Outward Propulsion

You play roller derby! You can just hip-check them into submission.

I could think of nothing to divert my mom's attention.

Is it possible to give yourself an ulcer in 5 minutes?

When I wasn't getting pummeled by Braidy and her team...I was watching Zoey get pummeled by Braidy and her team.

We'd visit other galaxies and meet extraterrestrials.

We're going to scrimmage for a bit—and then we're going to have a little party!

Sitting in a quiet library for 4 hours at a time gives you a lot of time to think. Much like purgatory. Or jail.

There was no kids' section or comic books...Just huge dusty books from 1875 on exciting topics like "microbiology" or "existential philosophy," or...a history of Broadway?

I want a truce.

This was me. ASTEROID. Burning a fiery path through time and space.

When I call your team name, skate one lap together, wave to the audience—and then go to your respective benches.